Oh, wait - 3rd reason: what if I ever needed to run and jump in front of a bus to save a small child?

I never wear high heels because what if I have to run to escape a burning building or a rabid purse dog or something? I’d never make it away alive!

4 ways to make it seem like I didn’t hang the picture frame in my apartment totally crooked

…because I didn’t. I did an excellent job. It just looks crooked to the untrained eye.

7 things I would rather wear on my feet than high heels

*Bonus rant: At my last job as a lion tamer, I spent a lot of time on my feet so naturally as a sensible gal, I wore flats.  For all you Neanderthals out there, flats are women’s shoes minus the misogynistic device known as heels.  I wore flats pretty much everyday to work.  So often in fact, that one of my co-workers actually thought I was a lesbian (apparently heels indicate heterosexuality, whereas flats=gay, I don’t actually buy this logic, but that’s what he thought).  When I started at my current place of employment as a freelance chimney sweep, I was determined not to make the same mistake of letting everyone think I was gay when I am in fact, straight.  So I wore heels.  That lasted about 1.2 days.  Here’s why: I’d rather wear razor blades on my feet.  High heels hurt like hell.  And to explain how much they hurt, I’ve included a list of things I would rather wear on my feet than high heels…